rapstars

So I'm sitting here in Luke's makeshift half kitchen, half building site playing host to tonight's cigarettes and bottles bottles bottles £3.73 sauvignon. I'm sitting here in a deck chair, chain round neck, the gare of the pendant laughing at my chest. We arrived to the place with nothing but party on our lips, through bottles bottles bottles of headaches we sip.
Our circle of heads slouch with every draft of green or swig of clear, until we're eventually staring at our toes, focusing on laces in quick persuit of sobriety. It hasn't come yet, im on the low of a high right now.

We're here for the long run, 10pm onwards, one day to another until im drunk enough to drive out of here. Get behind lights and wheel, ready to face the front door, eventually arriving at the end of bed where i will rest for weeks in sleepiness, in swallows to parents doubt. Maybe this is all we will get, the highlights of parties and twitching feet, stoking friendly fires until conversation catches light and the chemistry is set when our eyes meet. We're young, not old.

Im 20 in 1 day from from now and i feel 16



written here

01/01/09

it's the new year, time for resolutions

I will start the year like an empty photograph
because a year is not a year, unless it's scribbled on the back.
I will start the year with one foot inside a map
because a life is not lived without a compass and a bag.
I will start the year with nobody else but me
step into three six five how you wanted it to be.

resolution bad habits
resolution stop this
resolution just three words
of i will do or don't.

resolution weigh this much
resolution do not curse
resolution just three words
of i will do or don't.

I will start the year with somebody else's name
somebody else's clothes, somebody else's changes.
I will start the year like I've only got one shot
a body full of teen blood, but a head all filled with knots.
I will start the year with nobody else but me
step into three six five how you wanted it to be.


resolution family tree
resolution do not theif
resolution just three words
of i will do or don't.

resolution dyeing young
resolution call your son
resolution just three words
of i will do or don't.

new years heave

This has possibly been the most boring day that i've lived so far. I went to bed last night at 1am and didn't get to sleep till 4. My mum woke me up at 8am because my dog is too old to move for the past two days. I carried her from the kitchen into the garden in my boxers, as the slippy tile floor and 1 ft step was too much to ask my poor 14 yr old pup. The vet said she's got arthritis and pretty soon it's going to be up to my family when we want to let her go. this is horrible but i'd say if she could talk she say she loved life. she's lived in 3 different countries and her tail hasn't stopped wagging since i got her when i was 5.

The rest of the day i've been sat in a chair watching bad films - balls of fury, don't even bother. Then i watched a documentary on America's most hated family thanks to louis theroux and i filmed this clip. let's just say the granddad (head of some gay hating church)said this to a mother in the pews. They're going to eat your babies!





i don't know where he got this from but it was genius. this made slight improvement to my day and hopefully, fingers crossed the day will follow into a fun night.

bring on 2009!

17/11

I hate long drives with the same angst as airports, so as the red mark route dissolved onto map I let out a bloodshot tear. We drove straight for 200 miles until the red crash ran out of drive. We filled her up and stretched our longing legs, ready for the next 200. The drive was bleak and the rushing views weren't particularly to die for. Somewhere over the hills was liverpool and the other side of the hard shoulder was Manchester, I was glad it was just a flying visit. Rain can ruin the prettiest of places and for that six-hour-fucking drive I looked past the oozing landscape into the lines of Keroac. For all I cared we were driving south from Denver to LA, in the back of a pick up truck bursting full of hobos with eyes full of sunrises and sunsets, occasionally stopping for piss and bourbon.

Breaking through the madness of the crowd to our stage I stamped my feet and stared out my laces, just my laces. We had no room on stage, the headline band ensured there was enough room for autotune and egos. There was hardly enough room to stand without treading on the front row full of girls. We picked up the cold crowd and warmed that tunnel like it was home, built for us, for that night. I stare at my laces again, and break a smile, remembering where I was, what I was doing, how I'd like to be nowhere else and how everyone I know would love to have that half hour slot.

20 hour days, in the back of vans.
fuck 9-5

there's someone in my house

I'm sleeping with a knife laid on my windowsill because there's someone in my house. They're creaking floorboards and banging downs but a struggle to be found. It's me, my dog and I in a house fit for a man and ten wives, to never find out about the other nine.

The lighting doesn't exactly cast obvious but tempts the questioning wether it's just me, my dog and I. And what brings on this joy of all assumptions? Not just the whine of the hinges or the wimper of the golden guard but all the lights go out, the power cuts and the storm lets rip on cue with lightening entourage.

How tall is he? Or is it a she? I crossed my fingers for the latter so i could take that bitch down. Under the bed was no-one, I checked. Behind the doors were walls but it doesn't stop my thinking though; how vulnerable a home can be. We're just a number on a street, sitting ducks to them. That house with the bmw and the double glazing. We're asking for it really.

So i'm sitting on my bed with a blade at arms length, mind flicking through thriller scenes for what to do next. I shout. Not a word in return, or even a hesitated twitch. There's no-one in my house.

But that doesn't stop me pissing sideways to the seat, keeping one eye on the bathroom door.
what a pussy

number one

I thought i'd start typing up some of the things i that i keep writing down cause they're not doing much good in un-opened pages.

so yeah here it goes!